If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
