you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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