U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
