You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
