You were right. It hurts to walk today.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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