Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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