I feel like I'm in dance class right now
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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