we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
