i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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