They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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