I am in a vortex of obligation.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
