I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
