Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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