he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The best walk of shames are on the highway
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
