I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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