i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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