***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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