We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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