I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
