; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
