I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
