I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
