I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize