allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
