just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
