Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
