Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
