Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
