things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We left an ass print on the piano.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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