Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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