The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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