Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
