Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
