nutella sex= disaster
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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