So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
