he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
