She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
