he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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