tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
