After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
