I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
