Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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