I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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