I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
