she was so not down for the gang bang
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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