did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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