Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
