Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
