Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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