thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
