Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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